Do Not Want You, Frozen Yo

By Kay Steiger

Frozen Yo in Columbia Heights (Flickr/Mr. T in DC)

Yesterday, as is a haphazard tradition in my office, we brought one of our interns out for frozen yogurt on her last day as a way of thanking her for all her hard work over the summer. We decided to walk to Frozen Yo in Metro Center. Afterward I felt sick.

Perhaps it was the heat. Or the fact that I had just eaten beforehand. Or perhaps it’s the fact that Frozen Yo serves their self-serve yogurt in gigantic freaking containers. They have to be at least twice to three times the size of the containers you get at other fro yo places in town like Mr. Yogoto, Sweetgreen, or Tangysweet.

The first time I walked into Frozen Yo, I noticed how much it was like a buffet, where you load a bunch of crap onto your plate and see what you like best but ultimately end up eating way more than you planned. It just seemed so — American. And I say that as a born-and-raised, third-generation, 14th Amendment-style American. But come on, a huge container where you load up whatever you mix then pay by the pound? That screams excess.

Granted, I’m not much of a dessert person in general — I far prefer a savory treat. I would probably take french fries over frozen yogurt any day, so it’s not some kind of strange diet I’m on. I’ll say it, at risk of pissing off all the native Californians out there (where I understand this tradition comes from): This enormous tub o’ fro yo thing just turned me off.

23 responses to “Do Not Want You, Frozen Yo

  1. Hahahaha. Yes. Give me the same product for twice as much money, just give it to me in a smaller cup and serve it to me, don’t make me get it myself!

    Honestly, that’s every bit as American as a buffet.

  2. Why didn’ t you just stop eating, lardass?

  3. nothing more American than an ignoramus espousing opinions about a topic they’ve stated they know nothing about, in this case Dessert. and if you care more about BS notions like whether a frozen yogurt shop exudes the proper amount of American-ness, maybe you should blog about politics instead of food; DC certainly already has an oversized Old Country Buffet helping of both.

    FroZenYo is the best thing to happen to frozen dessert since sprinkles were invented. hush your slander.

  4. Portion control starts at home my dear….. I would MUCH rather pay by net weight than pay overpriced fees for healthy options like fresh fruit on my fro-yo.

    oh and I’m a 2nd generation washingtonian so you’re not just pissing off the west coast….dummy.

  5. For the record, I didn’t eat it all, but it seems wasteful.

  6. I also find it hilarious that someone just called me lardass.

  7. Yes, but was the yogurt any good? I understand you struggle with portion control, but that doesn’t really tell me anything about what my own experience would be like. Are the toppings good? Fresh? Plentiful? Is the fro-yo good? This review is pretty unhelpful.

  8. What do you get when you cross a Yelp reviewer and Cathy? Kay Steiger.

    AAACK!

  9. Does it not make sense that one gets exactly what one pays for? In this case, it is by the pound. It seems like the most honest way to do it, if you ask me. But of course, you didn’t ask me, so I’ll shut up and eat my giant cup of froyo. Yum.

  10. Uncle Shamous

    I have a very innovative idea for you Chubbs, instead of bitching about the size of the container, how about you put down the fork, get on the treadmill, and quit blogging about food. Just because you’re eating frozen yogurt doesn’t mean you’re healthy sweetheart, quit picking on small up start companies and take a look in the mirror!

  11. Not sure about the hateful comments above but your review isn’t particularly clear. If it’s a self-serve yogurt shop where you pay by the pound, it’s a little disingenuous to complain about portion sizes. Is your concern that they only offer one size container?

  12. Self serve froyo by the pound? Really? Are you sure about that? Every place I’ve ever been to is by the OUNCE. I mean really, think about a frozen yogurt place where customers pay by the pound….think about it….think a little more…yeah, doesn’t really make sense does it? But neither does your ridiculous rant. I’m sorry, but as a fan of this spot I have to speak up and call you out. No mention of quality of product? Or general vibe of the space? I have zero tolerance for people who complain about not being able to control themselves in a self-serve environment, especially those who run to a lap top afterwards.

    Also, as far as being generally wasteful – their website says they use biodegradable cups.

  13. I was going to write a long and angry defense of Fro-Zen-Yo, which I consider the best thing to happen to Washington DC since the half-smoke. But man, some of you commenters are assholes. You’re making me feel bad for liking something you like.

    To summarize: Fro-Zen-Yo; awesome. Kay Steiger; wrong (and also svelte). Commenters; jerkfaces. Oh, and the Fro-Zen-Yo near Metro needs to fix its cookies-and-cream dispenser.

  14. Seriously, did Big Fro Yo send its goons to infiltrate this comment section?

  15. I live near the one in Col Heights and like you, I was really turned off by the concept. I gave it a try anyways but find the flavor far too sweet. Mr. Yogato and Tangysweet are far better.

  16. Notorious Tee

    FroZeN Yo is the bombitty bomb diggity. Those who say otherwise be trippin, yo.

  17. Wow, I was just going to defend the SoCal frozen yogurt trend by pointing out that Pinkberry, at least, has quite reasonable sizes.

    Then I saw the other commenters and now I’m really curious about what, exactly, inspired so much hate. Are they all paid trolls working for evil FroYo conglomerates? Did this get cross-posted on a fat-acceptance blog and now THEIR trolls are YOUR trolls? And are they all in the sixth grade? I mean “lardass” and “dummy”– seriously?

  18. The only thing FroZenYo could possibly be condemned for is ripping off the sweetest frozen yogurt place in the world – 16 Handles.

    Boy, I hate it when I walk into an eatery where I have to choose and pay for only and exactly the food I want. Oh, the horror of self control.

    PS you are ugly.

  19. WTF people?

    I don’t entirely get Kay’s complaint (if it’s self serve, then you can control how much you put in, right?).

    But the self-serve Frozen Yogurt concept reminds me of nothing so much as college, when the self-serve frozen yogurt was by far my favorite thing on the meal plan, and frequently what I ate for lunch or dinner. (I’m on the opposite end of Kay here: I prefer ice cream to pretty much any other food, any time).

    What I’m curious about is how the pricing works out comparatively: Are we paying more, ounce for ounce, for the privilege of serving our won frozen yogurt, or less? I assume, as with self-serve salad bars, that people on average end up spending more b/c they underestimate how much things (especially fruit) weigh. My guess is that if you like a lot of fruit on your frozen yogurt, the non-self-serve places are probably a better deal, but if you’re a sprinkles fiend, like me, and have a tendency to small portions, then the self serve places may be a better dea

  20. PS – YOU PUT OREOS ON STRAWBERRIES

    SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH THE CHEF

  21. “What I’m curious about is how the pricing works out comparatively: Are we paying more, ounce for ounce, for the privilege of serving our won frozen yogurt, or less? I assume………”

    Unless you are an idiot or have no self control, you pay considerably less than any other comparable frozen yogurt places.

  22. It’s a flickr image, you dolt.

  23. Fuck you. FroZenYo is awesome and reasonable.

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