Every egg wants to someday be part of a breakfast sandwich

by Emily Thorson

eggtimeIt is time to talk about breakfast. Some of you may not eat breakfast regularly. This is insane, and reflects poorly on you. If you are currently filling out one of those working-in-the-Obama-administration forms, you should consider writing down “I skip breakfast” in the section that asks for embarrassing secrets.

Look, if breakfast was ONLY the most important meal of the day then fine, whatever, skip it. I skip lots of so-called “important” things all the time, like flossing and paying my cell phone bill and taking my keys out of the lock of the front door (just kidding, thieves!) and I’m still mostly fine. But here’s the thing: breakfast is also the most DELICIOUS meal of the day.

Why? Eggs is why. Eggs are the most magical of foods: they can be a binder, a cake ingredient, a protein to mix into salads, OR a delicious goopy yolky mess. It is in this last role that they reach their eggy apotheosis. There is NO REASON why you can’t have an egg for breakfast every single morning. Me, I prefer my daily egg in breakfast sandwich form. You might think that a breakfast sandwich is too time-consuming for a weekday breakfast, but you would be wrong! The trick is to do everything in exactly the right order. Once you get the process down, it resembles nothing more than an elegant ballet whose graceful finale is a breakfast sandwich.

Weekday Breakfast Sandwich
INGREDIENTS: One egg, one strip of bacon, one English muffin (I recommend whole-wheat)
NOTE ON NUTRITION: I know–OMG bacon and egg, scary, aaaaa! But this is actually not bad for you. It’s about 130 kcal for the English muffin, 80 for the egg, and 30 for the bacon for a total of 240: not all that different from a big bowl of cereal and milk. And I don’t know about you, but consuming protein in the morning makes me (a) far more efficient and (b) less likely to eat crap at lunch.

1) Start your pot of coffee.

2) Put a frying pan on the oven. Turn the gas to medium-high. If you do not have a gas stove, start dating someone who does have a gas stove and make breakfast at his or her house.

3) Take bacon out of the refrigerator. Peel off one slice (yes, only one slice). Cut it in half with a pair of scissors. Put it in the pan. Put the bacon away.

4) Take your English muffin out of the freezer and put it into the toaster. NOTE: I recommend splitting your English muffins in half before you freeze them so you don’t have to worry about thawing them first.

5) IF you are putting cheese on your breakfast sandwich, now’s the time to cut a few slices. I believe that cheese is superfluous on a weekday breakfast sandwich. If you’re trying to cure a hangover, then by all means pile it on, but if you just need energy to get you through lunch then there’s no need for cheese.

6) Flip your bacon.

7) Pour a cup of coffee. Fold a paper towel in half and put it on your plate.

8) Put the bacon onto the paper towel to drain.

9) Turn the gas to medium-low. Pour out the extra bacon fat into the cup you keep in your fridge. Yes, I know it’s not much but when you eat bacon every morning it adds up, and will eventually come in handy.

10) Crack an egg into the pan. FRY IT UP however you like it.

11) Ready your plate with the English muffin and the bacon.

12) IT’S SANDWICH O’CLOCK! Thrown on the egg and eat your sandwich while looking at the internet.

13) Cleanup: plate in dishwasher, pan in sink to soak. You can finish cleaning it when you get home from work.

The whole thing should take about fifteen minutes from pan-heating to finishing the sandwich, and when you get REALLY good you can do other things at the same time, like putting away the dishes or trying to put funny hats on your cat.

UPDATE: Apparently WordPress has decided to turn the number eight with a parenthesis next to it into a smiley faced dude wearing sunglasses. Seriously, wordpress? You honestly think that it is more likely that a person writing 8-parenthesis is making a SMILEY FACE than writing the number eight? Maybe on livejournal, but probably not on WordPress. Anyway, so to find step 8 look for that annoying dude. Thank you to poorform for pointing out the issue.

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37 responses to “Every egg wants to someday be part of a breakfast sandwich

  1. WHAT HAPPENED TO 8??!!

    Is this all to be done in the oven? I’ve never fried an egg in the oven….

  2. Pingback: Matthew Yglesias » The Case for Eggs

  3. of course, if you use a cast iron pan you shouldn’t leave it in the sink; and it would also take you about 5 seconds to clean it up. Just wipe it down with that same paper towel you used for your bacon, and optionally toss it back in the oven.

  4. “Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.” -Oscar Wilde

  5. I see that wordpress.com has turned “8 )” into a cool smiley face. Nice job, wordpress.

  6. I agree in general, but that’s too many steps. You can get just as good an egg by scrambling one up in a ceramic soup mug and microwaving it for 60 seconds, and using microwave bacon — while not quite as good as regular — will keep you from being tempted to just eat a ton of bacon for breakfast, since it’s like three times the cost.

  7. Eggs are truly magical.

  8. Brilliant.

    But your bacon should be placed in the pan before any heat is applied. This will keep it from curling.

  9. Illandro Pebiblio

    Mmmm eggs. For all the breakfast hater haters, I highly recommend this shirt… comes from some very pro-breakfast dudes.

    http://tshirtinsurgency.com/dont-mess-breakfast

  10. Poorform–Wordpress sucks. I hate emoticons, especially ones that are destroying my numbers. I guess it’s an argument for using html ordered lists.

    DBT–good call. I actually DO use a cast-iron pan and do exactly what you suggest, but so many people are terrified of cast-iron that I figured I’d assume they were going with non-stick. But oh man, if you’re using a cast-iron then daily bacon application will make it the BEST PAN EVER.

    Aaron: EW.

    sp: Interesting, I never knew that. I find cutting the bacon in half solves the problem as well, but your way sounds EVEN BETTER. Although it will mess up my beautiful ballet.

  11. 2 soft scrambled eggs, a bit of grated cheese and an english muffin is way better I think, though not a sandwich. Bacon (or some grits, not “quick grits” whatever they are) would be a special addition for special days. (If you’re going to scramble the eggs (or fry the egg), make sure the pan is nice and hot (but not too hot) before inserting the eggs. It makes for a tidier pan post cooking and feels much more professional.

  12. How do you keep the bacon from going bad before you can finish it all at one slice per meal? It’s mighty hard to pull one slice off of a frozen slab of bacon.

  13. Also, you can go without the bacon and add a slice of cheese instead- quick and easy, and fabulous!

  14. It only takes about three weeks to go through a package of bacon. I’m not kidding about eating one of these every morning.

  15. Pingback: Mmmmm… « Brew Cityzen

  16. @Brian 4:44:

    Bacon, especially high-quality bacon (and here I’m looking at _you_ Nueske’s, S.W. Edwards, Schaller&Webber, and North Country) will last quite a while with a little care.

    Remember that bacon, like many cured foods, pre-dates refrigeration and was originally kept for weeks or months at a time.

    For care: first of all, buy high-quality bacon. It’s drier (less water activity means slower bacterial growth and less shrinkage in the pan) and will keep better. Once unwrapped, wrap in wax paper and store in a place that is not too damp. Wash your hands before handling the bacon — and use a nail brush. Your bacon should easily last several weeks.

    If you’re buying high-quality bacon you’re not buying it in plastic 1lb. packages, either: you’re getting it from a deli or meat counter. That means you can order just enough to last you at the rate you consume it.

  17. But where in that machine do you put the bacon grease?

  18. I have an egg sandwich every day of the week. I fry two eggs, slap them on some whole wheat bread with slice of turkey and swiss cheese. Including eating, (which I usually do as I walk about the house getting the kids out the door) it takes me about 10 minutes.

  19. my wife reminded me that when we’re out of turkey or cheese I crack the eggs into the pan wait about a minute and put a bit of water in the pan (just enough for some steam) and put a cover on the pan. I put the toast down as soon as I crack the eggs and when the toast comes up the eggs are ready. Two eggs and toast, sunny side up. A little longer in the pan and the yolks are hard. Takes a bit longer to eat though…

  20. I recently found an article on 326 ways to make Toast. Everything from Tangy Lime Butter to peanut butter and apple slices. Also, he’s got over 2,000 other breakfast recipes there. I’m now working my way through his list.
    http://www.MrBreakfast.com

    Oh, and for those who don’t care to cook so much, he’s got breakfast-related restaurant reviews for just about every city in the country too.

  21. This is the first article that I read besides gaming articles. Certainly a good read.

  22. friggin’ hilarious. I would pay extra to Comcast to get you on a cooking show. let me know if you come up with a recipe for at-work brkfst sndwichs because I only give myself enough time to get out the door in the morning.

  23. Your post title inspired me to make an egg for a midnight breakfast, right now.

  24. Here is the proper way to do bacon — put it on a cookie sheet in a 350 degree oven for fifteen minutes. So much better than frying it is not even funny.

  25. Oh Yum! Breakfast is the best meal and I’m trying your recipe right now. I will be good to go soon.

  26. Well, re: 8 – as a number in a list, it is usually typed as 8. or 8 ) or even 8.), so it shouldn’t be all that big a problem. Typing just 8) or A) or c) is kind of lazy anyway, and kind of klutzy looking, in my opinion.
    Anyway, egg sandwiches – yea! Mine are on toast with mayonnaise, salt and pepper and a whole green chili. If I want bacon I fry up four pieces and put that on bread spread with peanut butter.

  27. Pingback: Every egg wants to someday be part of a breakfast sandwich « The Internet Food Association | Restraint

  28. Hi, nice info. I don’t eat breakfast at all, maybe I’ll start.

  29. I hate the little guy who appears when you are trying to make the 8th point of a list as well.

    I love eggs for breakfast though.

  30. chosencreative

    This sounds like my daily schedule. I love breakfast. My recipe for an egg sandwhich is as follows (it may sound gross, but try it out, it’s amazing)

    Bagel or Toast instead of English Muffin
    Fry the egg however you prefer
    Light mayo on both halves of the bread
    An even layer of pickles
    A slice of cheese

    Seriously, try it.. everyone says “pickles and may.. SICK” but every single person that has said that has then been forced to try it and LOVED it!!

  31. cornbeltliberaldotcom

    My teenage daughter shares your love of egg sandwiches, sees them for the true work of art they are. In fact, she insisted I comment here on her behalf.
    She is religious about her consumption (and the similarity between your routines is uncanny, I tell you!). Today, however, she woke up LATE and ate two (completely NAKED) whole wheat English muffins. It seemed wrong to her at the time, but this post really drove it home for her. Tomorrow, there WILL BE an egg sandwich, as God is her witness.

  32. Pingback: Breakfast Sandwich | The Seoulite

  33. I know nothing about WordPress, but there must be some kind of noparse tag or something equivalent to turn off auto-emoticonning.

  34. Your restraint with just one egg and one piece of bacon is admirable.

    Breakfast is also the only meal where it’s perfectly acceptable to eat dessert as part of the meal – muffins, pancakes, waffles, tarts.

    To recap – Eggs. AND dessert AND the chance to feel superior to your non-breakfast eating friends. Magic.

  35. Ive learn a few good stuff here. Definitely value bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how a lot effort you put to make such a magnificent informative web site.

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