Top Chef 5 Week 4 Liveblog

I have no idea what’s happening tonight! And Kate and I have had a lot of wine at La Cabana with Jezebeler and IFA friend Megan Carpentier. So this oughta be an interesting liveblog …

Kay: It’s Top Chef time!
Kate: douche lifts weights!! shocking
10:03 PM Kay: FTW!
Kay: It’s time Top Chef
10:04 PM Kate: gmail chat hates us
i was going to comment on the total preemptive love for prop 8 from straights
10:05 PM breakfast amuse bouche?!
total bullshit
breakfast is SO not the time for amuse bouches
Kay: I wonder if the blog Amuse Biatch is peeing their pants!
Kate: so.much.bacon.
10:06 PM bacon alone will not save you!
we are blogging here with additonal verbal commentary via Megan at Jezebel
she reports that amuse bouches usually freak her out
this is a very lonely top chef.
10:07 PM Kay: oh god these eggs are stressing me out
I always pop the yolk
Kate: because our friends are seeing Kriston’s band is performing at the Cat
10:08 PM Kay: French toast + eggs? McDonald’s would be proud!
Kate: with Edie Sedgewick, who is hilarious
ok no more promoting.
Kay: No Indian food!
Kate: Radhika = no indian!
poor Rocco
Kay: Courtney Cox is vastly improving
10:09 PM Kate: wait, Courtney Cox knew the right amount of sweet?
Kay: Team Rainbow!
maybe those t-shirts weren’t too early
Kate: there are complaints about the number of bites in an amuse bouche
Kay: Megan informs us that most of these are not actually amuse bouche.
10:10 PM Padma has her own condescending sound effect!
Kate: 2 dish
major fail
10:11 PM Kay: Fabio FAIL
Kate: my mom LOVES fabio
and his eggs
Kay: Oh I bet …
Leah apparently got it right
Kate: I don’t get Leah
Kay: I still can’t remember their names
Kate: why is she so good? She seems timid…
10:13 PM Kay: The elimination challenge really taps into the asshole chef personality.
Kate: the eyes!! the eyes!!!
Kay: did she color her hair since last week?
10:14 PM Fabio’s really struggling with this one. He said “cooing.”

Kay: Fabio does SALAD
Kate: ok. the idea is you cook something you can cook super fast
Kay: Gene cuts his own meat?
Kate: then the assholes go cut their own fish
Kay: He’s so dreamy ..
10:20 PM Kate: Uh oh. Alex in full madras
my eyes! my eyes
10:21 PM bang blondie will not be engaging the audience.
she has not engaged me in the least with her current cuts; sans bangs
Kay: Half the fun of this show is me watching people cut things.
10:22 PM Ooh avacados.
Kate: what
10:23 PM Danny accent fail
that’s like project runway with the early wakenings

Kate: omg. Ariane, so high strung
all the chefs seem so short
Kay: Also the Swanson commercial releases the “family secret” of ruining your stuffing with broth is disclosed TO THE LITTLE GIRL, not the little boy. Ugh.
Kate: dude, jamie, put something on your under-eye circles
10:27 PM just fer teevee
Kay: I like how they’re pretending like they don’t do food shows with multiple, multiple takes
Kate: ok. madras has made its way into the studio.
Kay: Padma is loving playing the contrarian co-host.
10:28 PM Kate: Padma: too pretty for madras
Kay: I feel like Blondie is just saying words that don’t make sense.
Kate: fabio, thinking of his (and my) mom
10:29 PM Kay: “I am fresh out of the boat”
Kate: what happened to the rest of Fabio???
Kay: I kind of like Stefan
Kate: minestrone in 5 mins?
ok, i might be impressed
if you’re not faking ……..
Kay: I feel like they’re speeding through this challenge
Eugene LOVES sushi
10:30 PM remember the hot dog challenge?
Kate: “ha–beeee-narrow”
wait,, tortilla soup on 5 min cooking show????
are you serious?
Kay: Ok, they never do cooking shows on live television
10:31 PM Megan loves runny egg whites
Kate: what’s that beer?
Kay: The one you’re drinking, Kate?
Just kidding.
10:32 PM Ohh burn. “His personality just wasn’t great.”
Kate: i think this challenge is stupid
there are still 30 mins??
10:33 PM Kay: The quality of the food is the most important — ON TV???
Kate: what else they make the puppets do?
Kay: Come on.
Kate: oh noes. another team rainbow in the bottome.
Kay: Maybe Ariane will get over her self-loathing.
Team Rainbow is in the bottom three!
10:34 PM My dire prediction may come true
Megan has some makeup tips for Jamie to help her look less tired.
10:35 PM Kate: ok….you planned your wedding 20 days from this particular Top Chef challenge?
methinks the happy couple is not on the same page…
10:36 PM Kay: Blondie is actually quite nice without his shirt
Sorry Ben, but you ditched out on the liveblog.
Kate: how did they choose top bunk?
sorely missing from the first episode.
10:37 PM Kay: I get the feeling that the studio kitchen is not actually that cool in real life
Kate: hmm. so this is where all the b.s. happens at the Today Show!
I think b.s. is the word of the night.
Kay: Yes!
I think someone needs to do a profile of a “food stylist”
I’d like to know what that person does.
Kate: what is a food stylist???
10:38 PM do they dress it up? shake on a bit more parsley?
Kay: They make food look delicious.
Kate: so they just have super fancy cameras?
Kay: Am I the only one that is not such a fan of the Today show?
Kate: i thought that was the food photographer’s job.

Kay: Mainly because I’m not a morning person.

10:46 PM Kate: wow
hoda is tall!
10:47 PM they hate watermelon, an ingredient in your dish
why aren’t the chefs onthere
Kay: Ben says Alex is definitely going home based on the editing
Kate: holy crap these women seem ravenous!!!
uh oh, there is gaggage
Kay: he got screwed by the DC buses and isn’t participating because of it. Not because he hates the IFA and Top Chef.
10:48 PM Kay: TV is HARD>
Kate: “what i know is i love blond haired douchebags”
Kay: Carla was SCARY
Kay: ok, I have to stop using caps loc
Kate: my faith in the today show….done.
ariane proved herself a terrible cook already
10:49 PM Kay: Adriane’s self loathing = over
Kate: fabio, kissing ass.
Kay: Ariane wins?
ok …
Kate: rocco, please give the gift we’re all waiting for….
ok, that wasn’t it.
Kay: him without a shirt?
Kate: um, way more than that.
10:50 PM Kay: That is a big deal for her
Kate: megan says, that’s a way big deal for teevee
i trust her judgment
Why don’t you pay attention to me?
just kidding
Kate: “Melissa, your bangs suck”
10:51 PM Kay: Rocco called it “inedible”
Kate: sorry, your thoughts are happening simulatenously with mine!!
hence the liveblog.
Kay: Ben says Alex looks like a fat Tony Almeida
Kate: ew
10:52 PM Kay: Wait, is Alex wearing green socks?
Kate: ben and i are arguing about how loong it took us to get home
but i win because i still made an awful garlic souffle
Kay: It was good!
Kate: i’m thinking……
10:53 PM the message of top chef this season is “Don’t Try Anything New”
Kay: Melissa’s bangs annoy me
Megan says they’re too square.
10:54 PM Kate: she doesn’t wear them confidently.
Kay: Wait, defensiveness in chefs is suddenly a bad thing?
Kate: ok, this throwing people under the bus is ridiculous!!
this was an individual challenge.

Kay: They’re flirting again!!!
10:59 PM Kate: i love how everyone is in DENIAL
“leah and hosea love to have fun”
Kay: What is with these short commercial breaks?
Kate: “they just have sexual chemistry

also, the last bit was just plugged into mid-commercial break. why does leah always seem to be the instigator? editing or….bud light lime commercial….halp

11:02 PM me: Ben was right!
11:03 PM Kate: listen.
Kay: I kinda think Melissa should’ve gone
Kate: you wear that much madras?
bangs is next.
I can’t wait until next week.
Ok, that’s it
11:04 PM see ya next week

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