The Worst Fast Food Ever

by Ben Miller

Do Not Go In There

Do Not Go In There

Harold and Kumar may be willing to travel across New Jersey and even ride wildlife in order to get there, but you won’t see me in a White Castle ever again.

I’d never been to White Castle before, but after a night at the awesome Minneapolis Bryant-Lake Bowl (a really fantastic bar/bowling alley/theater that I highly recommend visiting if you’re in the Twin Cities area) I was hungry for a snack before heading home. With Bryant-Lake Bowl’s kitchen closed, we opted for the only place still open and serving food: White Castle.

Even at $0.64 for a burger I feel like I got ripped off. Calling the meat rubbery is an insult to perfectly good rubber. I actually don’t mind the onions, but that burger really needed a pickle. The Jalapeño cheeseburger didn’t have any spice that I could detect either.

Oh and I didn’t even mention the worst part. I woke up the next morning feeling terrible from the food and got sick right in time for Christmas Eve dinner. Stay away IFA’ers. Stay far, far away.

Image used under a Creative Commons license by flickr user Marshall Astor-Food Pornographer

15 responses to “The Worst Fast Food Ever

  1. Not only that, during my four years in the Twin Cities, I know of at least two people to get kidnapped either from the restaurant or the parking lot. Probably not the best place to hang out.

  2. The deep south equivalent of White Castle and fast food pride of my hometown is the Krystal. I gave up meat years ago, but do recall that Krytals (no, they’re not just little square burgers) do include a pickle. While I don’t recall ever getting ill as a result of Krystal consumption, my family refers to them as “gut bombs.”

  3. Midwest Product

    For future reference, Burrito Loco a few blocks west on Lagoon (a few blocks west of Bryant), is usually open ’til 3 AM. Hardly the best or cheapest eats in town, but they (1) are definitely preferable to that or any other White Castle and (2) serve excellent drunk food.

  4. The only ‘slider’ I ever ate was because a friend gave coupons out for free ones (WC had just opened a store in Overland Park, KS) at her Halloween party. If you wore a coupon, she gave you a coupon.

    The burger lasted 15 minutes. I barely got into my house when I felt nauseated and gave it up to the toilet. Strangely, I felt better afterward, kind of like food poisoning. And also strangely (it was a time of my life when I loved fast food too much) I never ever went back.

    They went out of business here a few years ago.

    Good riddance.

  5. That would be ‘costume’ not coupon.

  6. White Castle sounds a lot like the Little Tavern or “Little T” chain that used to be big in the Maryland suburbs. I never ate one because they looked so awful–like itty bitty teeny weeny hockey pucks–and they smelled worse, but they did have a cult following.

    I haven’t lived in the area for quite some time, so I don’t know if they still exist, but I hope the chain has died out.

  7. JimPortlandOR

    It IS a cult! or nostalgia food. White Castle is a midwest-only phenom, if appears.

    Decades ago, I got hooked when living in Chicago and my mind still remembers how fine the sliders were by the half-dozen.

    When living near Stanford Univ in CA, I learned that the alumni assoc had an annual fundraiser where they sold frozen WCs by the box (about one foot square) with a preorder. When the day arrived, the whole Stanford football parkingn lot was filled with cars and people standing in lines at this huge trailer truck picking up their frozen boxes. The folks I talked too all were raised in the midwest and nostalgia was raging.

    Anyway, I now buy them six to a package, frozen, in Safeway here in Portland. Over $5.00 a wack. I don’t try to judge them by current taste standards, but to recall them coming hot off the grill in Chicago. Don’t forget some catsup to drizzle and a good brown mustard (distinctive for a burger place, right?).

    Warning: best to microwave a little longer than the package directs, no more than 2 burgers per irradiation. Chase with local craft beer.

  8. Pizza Luce’s right near there and it’s open late as well. The only good twin cities thing to come out of white castle is the one that got turned into a used accordian store.

  9. Kristals are *exactly* like White Castles. And White Castle includes pickle, unless you request “no pickle.” They DON’T include ketchup or mustard unless you ask, and then you get packets.

    I grew up on them. I know how to order.

    Their fries are excellent if you order them with fish salt.

    WC’s are delicious, once a year or so, like Taco Bell. But you have to be “in the mood.”

  10. Good job Jim in Portland.

    White Castle’s are not fine dining. They’re barely food. But they are cravable and addictive. You can’t compare them to a standard hamburger. They are in a category by themselves (along with the imitators like Kristal).

  11. You are dead wrong buddy. I will admit that when they dont them them right thyrlre bad. But when steam ed perfectly your out your damn mind to out WC on the leval of Hardee’s and Arby’s Subway and McDonalds

  12. You are dead wrong buddy. I will admit that when they dont them them right theyre bad. But when steamed perfectly your out your damn mind to put WC on the level of Hardee’s and Arby’s Subway and McDonalds

  13. i am … SHOCKED … by the amount of comments that are anti-WC!!! let me join the 2 or 3 pro-WCers and say: YOU ARE INSANE, lol… wc is delightful ~ BUT~ you have to go to a good one. i miss wc being in atl, and now go to krystal for my slider fix, but every krystal/wc is not created equal… i hope you will try to find a good one and try them again. the key to finding a good slider joint is business: you either want to catch them when they’re crazy busy or completely dead, ensuring you get fresh everything.

  14. I lived in NY for 14 yrs. I now reside in FL. I love and still do love White Castle. But, like the person before me, you def. need to find a good one. Not all are the same. When u can find one that steams the meat & takes there time. It can be a good experience. They def. are addictive. Now that I am living in Florida. I went to Krystals once and I have never went back. WC likes to cook the meat with the buns. Its got a better taste. Krystals doesn’t do that. They just cook the meat & throw on a cold bun and sling it at ya. So I am very pro-WC.

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