Top Chef Liveblogging

Sara Mead and Matt Ficke live-blog this week.

Matthew: hello!
sasara: hello!
10:02 PM So, in an effort to redeem myself from previous livebloggings, I’m liveblogging again this evening.
I have NOT had any wine tonight.
10:03 PM Poll: Who do IFAers think is going home tonigh:
LEAH:2
RADIKHA: 3
Jeff: 1
Carla: 1
Are any of us right?


Matthew: They have to keep Carla around
sasara: Stay tuned to see.
10:04 PM Matthew: they always keep the crazy ones till the end
sasara: Also: Will Jamie cook scallops.
Matthew: Someone should open a restaurant called “Top Scallops”
sasara: It’s noteworthy: We don’t like anybody this season as much as last year. We kind of feel like they suck.
Matthew: I would eat there
sasara: LOL.
Me too.
10:05 PM Ok: Let’s go.
Now we’re all waxing nostalgic over past contestants.
Leah’s talking about people going home.
Spencer and Ben predict she’s going home.
Matthew: that means she’s nervous
10:07 PM sasara: Apparently, you can get an I <3 hung shirt!
Matthew: apparently you can buy the “i heart padma shirts on their websites
sara: Hung nostalgia…..
oops.
Matthew: impressive product placement
10:08 PM sara: Canned goods challenge!
Not as difficult as the vending machine challenge in season 4.
But they only get 15 minutes.
IFAers still waxing nostalgic for Hung.
Matthew: i’m taking the winner of this into the bomb shelter when the apocalypse comes
10:09 PM sara: Absolutely.
I sort of think it’s cheap that they get to use ingredients from the pantry.
I’d prefer an all canned items challenge
Matthew: a meat-based dish seems like a bad idea when you’re limited to canned goods
10:10 PM sara: I agree.
Also, a pea-based dish?
Eww.
Matthew: yeah
sara: OTOH, a canned fish based dish sounds totally reasonable.
Jeff’s fried conch–sounds good.
Hosea is making homophobic and xenophobc remarks insulting Fabio and Steffan
Matthew: european=gay, apparently, according to hosea
10:11 PM sara: well, he is from BOULDER
Steffan’s looks tasty.
Matthew: STOP USING SPAM
sara: Hung likes Fabio’s dish
Matthew: though it doesn’t look as bad as it could
sara: more SPAM!
10:12 PM Jeff’s looks good.
Jamie’s looks nasty
oh dear, Ariane!
10:13 PM Hung dislikes:
Leah
Radikha
Jamie
I agree on Radikha and Jamie
Winners are:
Hosea
Steffan
Matthew: hosea wins?
sara: Jeff
10:14 PM
Steffan FTW
Matthew: i’m sort of shocked…peas are really terrible in a can
sara: Go FINLAND!!!!!
Matthew: ah, steffan
sara: Hosea
Spencer notes: every time they’ve used Spam on the show it’s been a success
10:15 PM Matthew: i sense some product placement
they’re pretty shameless about that
sara: Ooh, Ariane’s the 3rd wheel with Hosea and Leah
Jamie doesn’t like to work with Steffan!

10:17 PM Matthew: Based on the shirt he’s wearing in the teaser for the next segment, speculation in the room is that Steffan is a Soviet apologist
10:20 PM sara: we’re debating location of the Top Chef house.
Any commenters have added insight?
Jamie knocks roasted chicken
10:21 PM Matthew: the various team names aren’t very flattering…”Team Lamb”, “Team Chicken”, “Team Pig”
sara: Kay: Carla needs to assert herself more.
I agree.
Radikha is making bread pudding again?!?!?
10:22 PM I guess that’s ok. I lurve bread pudding.
Do you think Steffan is deliberately pissing Jamie off?
Because he thinks she’s cute when she’s angry?
Matthew: a strong possibility
10:23 PM sara: or some kind of weird wanna-be Beatrice/Benedict thing?
Matthew: well, maybe it’s more tactical than that
sara: possible
Matthew: since he has immunity and is trying to mess with her
sara: Do you think he sees her as the biggest threat?
Matthew: she’s definitely one of the stronger cooks
10:24 PM sara: And she’s definitely the stronger of the two others on his team, who he has the chance to really fuck with.
Matthew: right
sara: Ooooh, they’re going to Stone Barns!
Matthew: the sister of a blog friend used to be the chef there
10:25 PM Matthew: the branch in the city, that is
i’m told it is delicious
so they’ve gone from canned food to an actual farm…swinging from extreme to extreme in this episode, i guess
10:26 PM sara: Fabio discusses the pros and cons of cooking at an actual farm.
sara: I love Fabio’s cute little wire-rimmed glasses
So, do you think they have to kill their own animals?
10:27 PM Fabio discusses his philosophy of the circle of life.
Matthew: i certainly hope so
sara: Jamie is sooo not comfortable on the farm
Matthew: would be a bit of a cop-out if they went to a farm and then got someone else to butcher the animal for them

10:30 PM sara: Oh dear.
Matthew: “I’m the only cock in the stall”
sara: Oh dear
Matt is quoting Steffan directly
Matthew: yeah, that’s not a paraphrase
10:31 PM sara: That produce is gorgeous
Matthew: that’s crap
they should have had to kill those animals themselves
sara: I agree
Also: I’m so sick of them bitching “we didn’t get to shop at Whole Foods”
Matthew: they didn’t even butcher the carcasses, they were already broken down for them
sara: No–you got to get awesome food off an awesome farm.
10:32 PM Yeah, that’s poor.
I’m disappointed.
Leah’s only doing a salad and a dessert.
Ezra says she’s fucked.
10:33 PM Matthew: yeah, they’ve been coming down hard on the contestants who aren’t being at all creative lately
sara: Ariane is doing lamb again. We have previous experience to know she knows how to do that well.
10:34 PM Matthew: i am jealous of their fresh produce
10:35 PM sara: At last: we find our what season it is: Tom says it’s hot out here right now
summer!
Matthew: memories of august coming back
sara: Summer nostalgia… Especially given how fucking cold it is in DC this week!

Matthew: their Christmas episode was a LIE!
sara: Well, we already knew that.
10:36 PM Given what Ariane just said (regretting that she should have tied the lamb a little tighter), folks are predicting she’s going home. Now Ariane says she’s feeling confident–another bad sign.
Jeff is growing on the IFAers, but not me–I still say: Go back to HOUSE, Chase.
10:37 PM That lamb looks tasty…
Matthew: ha
sara: ?
Matthew: the cahse resemblance…hadn’t noticed before
*chase
sara: Well, you don’t have a boyfriend who watches 5 episodes of House a day :)
10:38 PM Matthew: this is very true
sara: Becks doesn’t really strike me as the House type.
Also, she’s a girl
Matthew: becks confirms your suspicions
sara: IFA verdict: If we could eat one thing we’ve just seen: the Lamb…
Matthew: lamb is delicious
10:39 PM referring back to the Christmas dinner discussion from last month, we had a lamb leg on Xmas eve
sara: Ooops, looks like we’re wrong: The lamb is a mess
Matthew: uh oh
sara: Toby Young actually says something clever and relevant “you’ve heard the expression mutton dressed as lamb, this is lamb dressed as mutton”
10:40 PM I don’t think it’s fair to blame them for the poor lamb butchery, though, since they didn’t do it.
Matthew: EXACTLY
sara: Ok, Toby undoes his previous sensible comment by saying something about pesto=big bad wolf that makes no sense at all…
10:41 PM Matthew: if the chef does everything from live animal to plate, then they can take credit/blame for the whole dish
sara: Aw, the kid eating the dessert is super-cute.
Matthew: (the whole room coos at the cute little kid)
sara: Carla seems to be safe–people love her dessert.
Team lamb’s dessert—not so much love
10:42 PM Matthew: can a dessert involve meat? it would be more in the spirit of the challenge, i think, but might be a little tricky

Ok: Pre-judging breaking to get predictions from the IFA crew:

6 People say Leah is going home

4 say Ariane

General prediction is Jeff or Steffan is winning.

10:49 PM sara: I actually think there’s an outside chance Carla might win
They just called in team chicken
I think they’re winning
Victory: Team Chicken!
Matthew: they liked the chicken, yes
sara: Ezra copying me, changes his vote to Carla.
I think she wins for the pastry and for being the moderator
10:50 PM COP OUT
“you all have one today”
whatevs
Matthew: you’re all winners!
sara: that’s lame….
Matthew: totally
10:52 PM tom calls radikha lazy
10:53 PM sara: wow, Leah’s whiny!
Ariane can’t tie
isn’t tieing something you learn in kindergarten?
10:54 PM Matthew: does arianne work in a veetarian restaurant or soemthing? it’s not that hard
sara: right, and she’s cooked lamb well before.
10:55 PM eeew
Toby Young wants to have unprotected sex with meat.
Kay Steiger, or RH Reality Check, does not approve.
Always practice safe sex with meat, kids
Matthew: i thought that was going to be a not ver subtle sexual allusion, but he didn’t bother with allusion at all
sara: nope.
He’s atrocious.
10:56 PM Padma feels sorry for Ariane
Toby Young has no pity.
10:57 PM Matthew: somebody’s going to end up poisoning toby young before the end of this show
sara: !
Matthew: ok, maybe not
10:58 PM but he’s not very nice
11:02 PM tom doesn’t like heavy hands
sara: who does?
11:03 PM Ariane’s packing her knives.
Matthew: whoa
sara: Thank goodness she has the guts to talk smack about her teammates, not blubber about her friends, and how she’s so happy to have met them.
11:04 PM Matthew: exactly
sara: Next week: Restaurant Wars!
And until next time, kids, we’re signing off.

5 responses to “Top Chef Liveblogging

  1. I truly cannot believe that Leah is not going home. Has she done one standout dish? Also, since when is going for it not prized over doing almost nothing on this show?

  2. also she’s really annoying. the whining. the hoseaing. the extreme overuse of “like”…

  3. I feel like this is the first episode where a good chef was kicked off. IMHO, Carla is the last bad chef left, and I would have thought that she would have been kicked off this week. Lucky she drew Jaime and Stefan!

  4. Also, how elitist did all the chefs sound when they had to use canned food like all the other scum?

  5. i hated Ariane. Her voice is so grating.
    I mean clearly she didnt deserve to lose, but thank god she did!

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