Top Chef Liveblog 1/28

by Sara Mead

Our pre-committed live-bloggers dropped out, so Ficke and I are picking up the slack…. (FYI: me=sara; I’m not going to bother replacing that with my name.)

Matthew: ready to blog!
me: so, how good was that stew! [ed: stew that Matthew Yglesias, my boyfriend, made for dinner this evening. It was super delicious!]
Matthew: it was delicious
stew is one of my favorite parts of winter
me: I’m partial to red wine and hot chocolate myself.
but NOT together….
10:07 PM Why doesn’t Bravo have an HD feed???
Matthew: that is a good question
carla says she’s “classically trained”
how humble
10:08 PM me: Leah: “Hosea and I are not hooking up”
wanna bet that means they hook up this episode?
10:09 PM This quickfire challenge is weird
10:10 PM Matthew: I endorse Fabio’s opinion of vegetables
me: But it’s so AMERICAN!
Oh dear! A quaker oats challenge!
IFA universally votes it LAME!
10:12 PM Why is Jamie making oat encrusted shrimp rather than tasty fruit crisp???
Matthew: “Creative Monkeys” is a nicely crazy phrase from carla
right, fruit and oats could make a great dessert
10:13 PM me: Is Hosea now much more passive agressive in his comments about Leah?
Fabio’s outmeal covered fried eggplant sounds like a good call to me.
Matthew: Hosea definitely is, yeah
me: Again, to reiterate, this is a terrible quickfire. IFA is embarrassed for Top Chef.
10:14 PM Matthew: Stefan makes good desserts
me: Carla’s tofu is shockingly pretty.
10:15 PM Avocado is not a fruit, Jamie.
Matthew: Isnt’ it?
i put it in the fruit category
me: Ok, “I just love bacon” is the first thing Leah’s said that I can identify with.
Jeff seems really insecure about his dish.
Probably cuz it’s really ugly.
10:17 PM IFA predicts: Stefan or Carla wins
And…Stefan wins
Matthew: Ben Miller expresses skepticism about a fish/bacon combo…I find it intriguing
me: EVERYTHING tastes better with bacon.
10:18 PM There’s a surprise in the “stew room”
Fabio hopes it’s a dog.
Everyone likes puppies!
Matthew: Leah thinks Tom Brady is hot
Matthew: she likes guys without working knees, I guess
10:19 PM They’re facing down previous season all-stars
I love Andrew!
Why is NIKKI an “all-star”???

Matthew: Spike is among the all-stars…I have yet to try his entry in the DC burger wars
10:23 PM me: me neither. I’ve heard mixed reviews.
10:24 PM On a temporary break, we’re now debating whether or not “chubby bunny” is a potentially deadly game.
10:25 PM Apparently, it’s not an urban legend
Matthew: (we’re making s’mores for dessert)
yes, it turns out that at least two people have died while plying the game:
me: people are microwaving marshmallows here….
10:26 PM Adler proclaims it “the best dessert he’s ever had”
Someone needs to get out to the campfire more often.
10:27 PM We’re now on extended pause for s’more preparation.
10:32 Matthew: we have been discussing the new york times article about bacon-wrapped sausage:
10:33 PM i’m pretty sure the guy just stole the recipe from that Simpson’s episode in which Homer instructs Bart to, first, bacon up his sausage, and then butter up his bacon one morning for breakfast
me: heh heh heh heh heh heh
my mirth is such that it cannot even be expressed in proper LOLs.
10:34 PM oh dear, now Matt’s talking Israel
We’re never going to get back to watching the show again.
Ok, internets: Pigs in a blanket are delicious. We all agree. Becks and I eat them in the goyim way, with the hotdog sliced open and processed American cheese set in side before wrapping them in the croissant. Ben Adler, the Angry New Yorker, proclaims this nasty. Internet: what do you say??
10:38 PM and we’re back!
10:39 PM and… celebrating the regional cuisine of NFL teams
Stefan picks Dallas?
10:40 PM I lurrves Fabio
Matthew: fabio cooking the food of Wisconsin should be fun
me: Leah and Nikki are paired up–so appropriate.
10:41 PM Yeah, but does Fabio understand what the cuisine of Wisconsin is?
who’s he paired with?
10:43 PM Josie played for a women’s professional football team !?!?!?!?!
10:44 PM Matthew: i didn’t even know there was a professional women’s football league
10:45 PM me: what’s with Fabio and the monkey ass???
did Nikki’s accent get thicker since she left the show??
10:47 PM Matthew: huh, so there is:
me: Jamie has on really pink lipstick!
IFA agrees: the current season of Top CHefs is not as good as season 3 or 4.
10:51 PM Why do they always show they eating breakfast cereal?
Is this part of the quaker thing too?
Matthew: This is the first season i’ve watched, so i can’t really comment
i’ve never seen so much product placement as on this show
me: Oh, shit. FABIO’s talking about how his mom is sick and he needs the money. He’s going to go home.
10:52 PM Matthew: i hope not…he’s entertaining
me: It’s NOT truly a team challlenge.
Matthew: leah’s the last of the boring contestants
me: it’s the most individual thing they’ve had as a main challenge yet.
10:53 PM Matthew: but they’re going to keep her around because of hosea
me: Wow, super official judging
audience=3 point kick.
Ben Miller wants a safety option.
Adler says this is jumping the shark
10:54 PM Matthew: the europeans are probably confused by the scoring
me: Miller: Have Tom Colicchio and Toby Young never heard of under shirts?
Oh–we just realized that the crowd includes people who’ve previously been eliminated.
10:55 PM Matthew: chicken liver? this is not super bowl food
10:56 PM me: Leah wins the judges but loses the audience.
Leah’s not going home.
Hosea’s talking smack!
Matthew: hosea is sassing
10:57 PM me: Hosea wins the judges
(except Colicchio)
and Hosea wins the audience.
10:58 PM Andrew’s playing with his langostinos.
Andrew is making crawfish CRUDO!?!?!?!
10:59 PM Matthew: carla is crazy, is the consensus
me: Carla: still putting the love in.
11:00 PM CARLA wins the judges.
Andrew wins the tasters.
Matthew: both of those dishes seemed poorly thought out
me: Agreed.
What happens if no one in the current season loses?
I’m so worried Fabio is going home.
Stefan loves Andrea.
11:01 PM they’d be cute together.
Again: WHY did Stefan chose Dallas?
Matthew: he’s probably unclear on american geography
me: Judges are SPLIT on Stefan vs. Andrea.
11:02 PM Andrea wins audience!
Stefan on the chopping block.
11:03 PM SHIT: The three people left are Jeff, Jamie and Fabio.
And Stefan has been kicked off.
One of the four best chefs is going to get kicked off!
Matthew: i’m betting jeff
11:04 PM i hope jeff, at least
me: I’m HOPING jeff (aka chase)
Jamie’s discription of her dish troubles me.
Camille’s dish sounds gross.
11:05 PM Judges SPLIT.
Jamie wins audience.
Matthew: good
11:06 PM me: Jamie’s safe.
Josie is making HOT ceviche??
Jeff: Josie’s plate is not pretty
it’s not all about being a pretty face, chase!
Jeff’s dish IS really pretty.
11:07 PM Matthew: go josie!
me: Josie wins judges!
Becks interprets: However, we have to make sure someone else loses so, Stefan can’t go home.
Josie won the audience, too.
Chopping block score: Jeff and Stefan both on the block.
11:08 PM Matthew: “i can’t serve ordinary food”, says jeff
try a little harder, maybe
me: sooo conceited and insufferable.
Fabio gets ready to rumble
Matthew: fabio’s explanation is fantiastic
11:09 PM me: cooking venison in order of the hunting thing that’s going on in Wisconsin, and cheese in honor of the cheese mania of Wisconsin
Matthew: venison, because of the hunting they do up there
11:10 PM me: OH NO!
Fabio loses the judges.
I think Fabio’s going home.
The taster’s prefer Fabio, though.
“Field GOAL!!!!!”
11:11 PM This is the tensest episode yet!
Matthew: two of the best chefs, plus jeff, at the bottom
11:13 PM me: I know.
My tummy’s all tied up in knots!
and it’s not attributable to either the stew or the wine.
PLEASE don’t kick off Fabio.
Why are they pouring their beers into cups.
Matthew: no sponsorship deal from the brewers, i guess
11:14 PM me: Hosea: if any of the people on the block get kicked off, my chances are a lot better.
Miller: Hosea, you’re not winning.
Why are all the girls wearing goofy headbands?
11:15 PM Toby Young tastes the love in Carla’s dish.
I don’t like this guest judge
11:16 PM Matthew: “whilst”, says toby young
me: what’s up with the headbands.
Carla wins!
Two tickets to the superbowl.
11:17 PM Matthew: whoa
me: Well, I guess it’s fair. She’s the only one with a husband who’ll be super-psyched by this.
Matthew: that’s one of the better prizes
IFA prediction vote: Who’s going:
4 people vote Fabio
3 vote Jeff.
Vote for Jeff is mostly hope-based, rather than reality-based.
Honestly, this challenge sucked. Leah’s dish was not that good. She should have gone home.
me: Wow, this guest judge is a tough ass.
putting the tough love on Fabio.
Dallas is NOT a state, Tom.
Jeff can’t deal with plastic plates.
11:23 PM Matthew: “i put it through chinois!” says jeff
that sounds fancier than it really is
it’s just a strainer
me: Jeff put heart and soul in his dish, but he should have put love, Carla-style.
11:25 PM They’re blaming Fabio for choosing Wisconsin, but he doesn’t know what it is!
11:26 PM AND… JEFF goes home.
Matthew: Jeff’s gone!
me: I am soo relieved.
I never liked Jeff and I do love Fabio.
Can we all agree: this was the dumbest challenge ever.
Matthew: Leah’s drunk
11:27 PM like, more than they usually are in the “stew room”
me: Leah looks like she’s about to puke.
And, that’s it folks.
11:28 PM Good has triumphed, but just badly. And evil has hardly been vanquished. Stay tuned until next week!


2 responses to “Top Chef Liveblog 1/28

  1. Wouldn’t it have been more fair if they didn’t reveal the judges’ scores until everything was tallied? Colichio (sp) could have adjusted his vote at the end depending on how he wanted things to turn out. I hate the judging this season. I swore to stop watching after the Arianne fiasco. Sadly, I am still enduring the torture :(

  2. Fabio is without a doubt more entertaining, but has his food really been better than Jeff’s?

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