by Sara Mead
As I mentioned yesterday, I love me some black licorice jelly beans. They are–and I don’t say this lightly–my favorite candy. Which makes the weeks leading up to Easter, for me, the happiest time of the year. That’s because the lenten season is pretty much the only time you can buy entire bags filled with only black jelly beans at your local Target or grocery store.
But this black jelly bean season has, for me, been clouded by an unfortunate and inexplicable development. For unknown reasons, CVS pharmacy is refusing to stock and sell the one true jelly bean–for those of you who don’t share my passion for jelly beans, that would be Brach’s Jelly Eggs–and are instead stocking only a vastly inferior line of generic jelly beans. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU PURCHASE THESE GENERIC JELLY BEANS. They are an abomination, utterly lacking the crisp sugar shell that makes jelly beans jelly beans.
Why is CVS bizarre insistence on stocking these disgusting products–and no other jelly beans!–such a tragedy for me? Because in many places I happen to go, the ubiquitous drug retailer is the only option available for purchasing commercial candy. With the exception of northern Capitol Hill, it’s virtually impossible to be within the boundaries of the L’Enfant city and also be more than three blocks from a CVS. If current expansion trajectories continue, by 2015 all retail outlets in D.C. will be either a CVS, Starbucks/Caribou, or a bank branch. That means CVS’s refusal to sell proper jelly beans is making it unusually hard for me to get my black licorice jelly bean fix.
It’s one thing if CVS wants to sell really gross generic jelly beans. It’s another thing altogether to refuse to sell tastier Brach’s Jelly Eggs. Unless everyone else who buys jelly beans is utterly lacking in taste or judgment, they’re probably losing important jelly bean-related revenue, too. So, please, CVS: For the love of all that is good and proper, please reverse this foolish decision and start stocking Brach’s Jelly Eggs.