Candy Girl: Why is CVS Destroying the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

black-jelly-beansby Sara Mead

As I mentioned yesterday, I love me some black licorice jelly beans. They are–and I don’t say this lightly–my favorite candy. Which makes the weeks leading up to Easter, for me, the happiest time of the year. That’s because the lenten season is pretty much the only time you can buy entire bags filled with only black jelly beans at your local Target or grocery store.

But this black jelly bean season has, for me, been clouded by an unfortunate and inexplicable development. For unknown reasons, CVS pharmacy is refusing to stock and sell the one true jelly bean–for those of you who don’t share my passion for jelly beans, that would be Brach’s Jelly Eggs–and are instead stocking only a vastly inferior line of generic jelly beans. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU PURCHASE THESE GENERIC JELLY BEANS. They are an abomination, utterly lacking the crisp sugar shell that makes jelly beans jelly beans.

Why is CVS bizarre insistence on stocking these disgusting products–and no other jelly beans!–such a tragedy for me? Because in many places I happen to go, the ubiquitous drug retailer is the only option available for purchasing commercial candy. With the exception of northern Capitol Hill, it’s virtually impossible to be within the boundaries of the L’Enfant city and also be more than three blocks from a CVS. If current expansion trajectories continue, by 2015 all retail outlets in D.C. will be either a CVS, Starbucks/Caribou, or a bank branch. That means CVS’s refusal to sell proper jelly beans is making it unusually hard for me to get my black licorice jelly bean fix.

It’s one thing if CVS wants to sell really gross generic jelly beans. It’s another thing altogether to refuse to sell tastier Brach’s Jelly Eggs. Unless everyone else who buys jelly beans is utterly lacking in taste or judgment, they’re probably losing important jelly bean-related revenue, too. So, please, CVS: For the love of all that is good and proper, please reverse this foolish decision and start stocking Brach’s Jelly Eggs.

15 responses to “Candy Girl: Why is CVS Destroying the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

  1. If current expansion trajectories continue, by 2015 all retail outlets in D.C. will be either a CVS, Starbucks/Caribou, or a bank branch.

    … and all restaurants will be Taco Bell

  2. i also really love black jelly beans (which usu elicits “eeeew gross!” from all my friends)… brach’s are awesome, but in a pinch, i also get them from the jelly belly store b/c i can find them all year round.

  3. Yet another reason to move to Australia: great weather, affordable health care and good quality black jelly beans year-round.

  4. I discovered that this year, all three CVS’s in my area are not stocking Brach’s Jelly Beans. How can they suddenly just do away with a major brand? When I asked a store cIerk about it, she was confused by the question. As if she had never even heard of them. Thats what I was afraid of hearing. I suppose I couId try Target. These are a big chains though, that can decide do obIiterate a brand, just Iike that. PS – I have a sticky key issue, sorry for using “I’s “:-)

  5. This is madness. Black jelly beans are the one you pick out of your Jelly Belly’s. Yes, you heard me people. JELLY BELLY. It’s the only true jelly bean.

    And black licorice is just unpleasant. You know it, I know it, and the American people know it. Straighten up and fly right.

  6. forsythia n. cheeryblossoms

    i guess they are going to the less expensive brands now….just as these ready-made easter baskets have nothing of the gentleness of easter baskets assembled with love and care.
    i am glad there are still beautiful, chocolate bunnies around in the stores though, to put into easter baskets.
    and at this time of year, it is nice to see the old whitman’s sampler boxes of chocolates, that look like cross-stitch embroidery….on the underside of the box, they have a little map of the chocolates.
    and it is almost time to color easter eggs and pull out our old beatrix potter books!

  7. The fact that people either love or hate black jelly beans was a semi-major plot point in the science fiction novel The Ghost Brigades. I’m sure your life is enriched upon knowing this.

  8. Sara, if you find out where you can buy the Brach’s jelly eggs locally, do post a follow up note. I also covet the dark deliciousness that is the perfect licorice jelly bean, and agree completely that the jelly eggs fit the bill. Mail order is OK, but I’d also like the reward the local merchants who are wise enough to carry the best!

  9. KMango: You can definitely buy them at Target stores in the D.C. area. (I bought two bags at the Columbia Heights Target this afternoon!)

  10. Pingback: Candy Girl: The World Looks Mighty Good to Me…. « The Internet Food Association

  11. Listen up people:

    Sara is definitely right and proper and correct and Brach*s are the one, true jelly bean. (ahem, CANDYBEAN. /arrested development)

    I just got mine (Rite-Aid, FTW). Behold:

    http://twitpic.com/2q069

    I will now eat sugar for lunch.

    THANK YOUS, CANDY GIRL.

  12. That’s not the only thing CVS is destroying. They are also making atrocious marshmallow pops with teeth for Easter.

  13. What is your best memory of childhood? Worst?

  14. Pingback: Candy Girl: The World Looks Mighty Good to Me…. | kashwaynepromotion.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s