by Tom Lee
According to Kay, Ben advises against refrigerating tomatoes, and of course he’s right to do so. But he doesn’t go nearly far enough. The ban on refrigeration should — must! — be extended to include all fruit.
Really now: who wants a surly, brown banana? A fibrous, frigid orange? A flavorless slice of watermelon that sucks the warmth from your teeth? One might assume that the answer is “no one”, but the sad-looking apples in the butter compartment of my office’s fridge say otherwise. I mean, really: apples? They’re perhaps the hardiest popular fruit in America — a fruit that survived the apocalypse! And yet there they sit, getting mealier by the second.
Whoever perpetrated this crime is a danger to themselves and others; they need to be stopped. Fruit privileges should be immediately revoked all those who insist on refrigeration. Exceptions will be made for grapes, easily spoiled fruits and high-ranking members of the fruitburo.