We have a lot to say about candy

almondjoymoundsYesterday afternoon, an intra-IFA email thread about an upcoming event completely derailed into the dialogue you see below. Since any of these observations could have been an IFA post on its own, we’re just going ahead and posting it up for you to join in on the ever widening conversation.

Tom: Don’t underestimate the candy fanbase!

(though I have to admit, this coconut M&M business horrifies me)

Sara: But have you tried them?

Kay: I’m with Tom on this one. I tend to hate coconut, though, so I’m perhaps not the target audience for this.

Amanda: I love coconut and want to try them real, real bad.

Mandy: They really weren’t as gross as I thought they’d be but nothing comes close to the mint and peanut varieties for me.

Regardless of our personal tastes, though, I think we can all agree with the notion put forth in an email I received at work today from a concerned and anonymous citizen: “too many MFs not enough M&Ms…the end”

Tom: I haven’t tried them. And yeah, coconut’s the problem — I love the fresh stuff, but when dried and added to candy it creeps me out. I was content to have it confined to the mounds/almond joy detainment area, but now it seems to be sneaking out in obvious violation of its legally-imposed curfew.

Amanda: mmmmmm, almond jooooooooooooooooy

Kay: Gross.

Spencer: You can have all of the Almond Joys that ever end up in my trick or treat bag. Hell is a candy bowl filled with nothing but Almond Joys and served in a car that can only play terrestrial radio.

Tom: while I agree that Mounds is(/are?) an abomination, they’re still not nearly as psychically scarring as the toothbrushes, boxes of raisins and nonfunctional jesus-themed tin yoyos that I sometimes received from well-meaning homeowners on my trick-or-treating route. Those people belong in prison.

Sara: But it’s NOT dried coconut added to the candy, it’s chocolate that just tastes like coconut. Which is weird, and I don’t really want to think about how they do it, but also kind of awesome.

Becks: No matter your stance on coconut, you must admit that “Almond Joy has nuts; Mounds don’t” is one of the most effectively informational theme songs ever.

(I always have to hum the theme song to myself to remember which is which when sorting through a Halloween bag.)

Spencer: On further off-list reflection with Amanda Mattos, I hereby retract my defamatory comments about Almond Joy, as — notwithstanding Becks’ comments about the ad campaign — I have confused Almond Joy with Mounds. Attackerman regrets the error.

Amanda: Almost as contentious a point as coconut, how do you people feel about fake banana flavoring in candy? I think it’s awesome and delicious and would eat banana now and laters every day if I could. I also like circus peanuts. Most people, I’ve found, reaaaaally hate both those things.

Tom: fake banana is delicious. Who would deny the import (if not primacy!) of the banana Runt?

Mandy: Regarding banana flavoring…I hate it. Investing in Runts always meant the bananas went uneaten. As a kid I always wondered, if someone else liked them, whether that meant that person was my mortal enemy or my soulmate.

Amanda: Mandy: let’s go get some runts together sometime soon.

Sara: In my experience, fake banana flavor runs the gamut from “delightful” (banana laffy taffy) to “utterly nauseating” (I’ve blocked it out of my mind…)

I cannot under any circumstances stomach, however: fake Mango and fake Watermelon flavors.

Amanda: Maybe I just really like fake flavoring, cause watermellon bubblicious is one of my all time favorite things to taste AND smell. I huff the shit out of a pack before I chew any.

I’m trying hard to think of candy flavorings I hate besides licorice and am coming up blank.

Emily: Banana runts are the BEST.

Matt Yglesias: Is it just me, or is candy not advertised on TV nearly as much as it used to be? Over the course of Netroots Nation I heard that Foo Fighters song where the video was a parody of a Mentos ad in several different bars, and it got me thinking “whatever happened to Mentos ads?”

Sara: Perhaps you’re just watching different shows than you did as a kid?

Amanda: Maybe they’re all going the way of the terribly annoying outdoor campaign instead

Ben Miller: I feel like Snickers and M&Ms still advertise with some frequency, bu tthe pace of say, Twix, 100 Grand, and Skittles ads have dropped off.

Kriston: Someone at the Flophouse has set the tivo to record Cartoon Network’s Clone Wars and in the instances in which I’ve come home and seen it on, I have caught a candy advertisement or two, peripherally.

Tom: I think Sara is probably on the right track. I can Tivo some Toon Disney for us, Matt, and we’ll see what we see. Other than episodes of Gargoyles, I mean.

Amanda: Oh, there are those awesomely bizarre skittles ads where it rains skittles and a pixie/demon voice whispers stuff at you.

Spencer: What do people think of the sexual politics behind the Coquettish-Green-M&M campaign? That could be a seriously good post.

Amanda: Well, which came first: the coquettish green m&m, or the “green m&ms make you horny” meme?

Sara: the latter, unquestionably.

Becks: The rumor far predates the ad campaign.

Kriston: What does it say about you if you really really like the tan ones?

Spencer: Jungle fever.

Matt Yglesias: Check out this terrifying new Mentos ad.

I’m now glad I don’t see candy on TV anymore.

Kay: That is a terrifying ad. And I also love Gargoyles.

Becks: Guys, weren’t you paying attention in grade school? There’s a whole taxonomy. Green M&Ms make you horny, yellow ones make you gay, brown ones are bad luck, orange ones are good luck, red ones give you cancer, and tan ones give you diarrhea.

Also: is Mars leveraging the reputation of Yellow M&Ms in ads targeted for the gay community, in the same way they are for Green M&Ms? If not, why not? (Because that would be awesome.)

Kriston: That is not what the tan ones do!

Emily: Since the tan ones have been discontinued, we can treat it as a quasi-experiment. Have worldwide cases of diarrhea decreased since the tan ones were replaced with blue ones?

Tom: I believe that the yellow ones let you have unprotected sex.

Emily: Red M&Ms give you a heart attack, not CANCER. Duh.

Becks: No, it’s definitely cancer.

Kriston: “Rats injected with [blue M&M dye] not only regained their mobility but temporarily turned blue.”

Man make sure you click on the before/after picture of those blue-M&M mice. It is about time the Mars company made some some psychedelic murderball commercials.

Kay: Is it wrong that I think the blue-dyed rats look adorable and should star in a new animated Pixar film?


6 responses to “We have a lot to say about candy

  1. coconut patty

    i love almond joys.
    i love them almost as much as milky ways.
    when i am extremely melanchoy, and the world has gotten me down,
    unlike john keats,
    i go not to lethe or wolfsbane,
    although i do sometimes glut my sorrow on a morning rose.
    what does work surprisingly well though,
    are two peterpaul almond joys.
    there is nothingnothingnothing
    to compare
    with a frozen milky way.
    and regarding shredded coconut….
    a shiny white box
    of coconut patties, with a green palm tree
    stamped on the top….
    that says,
    “greetings from miami beach,
    home of the coconut patty,”
    with a neat stack of thick, chocolate~covered coconut patties,
    each in their own little parchment wrapper….

    i love baker’s shredded coconut.
    nothing is better
    than hot chocolate pudding,
    with “skin” on the top
    and a big sprinkling of coconut!!!!
    if i go to heaven,
    that is what i will have there everyday.
    an endless bowl of chocolate pudding,
    with coconut sprinkled on the top!
    is that a lot to ask???

  2. Circus peanuts! I got one (one!) when I was in, like, 2nd grade and I thought it was the best candy on the planet. I didn’t get to taste another one till early in high-school (the smallest bags you could get were one or two pounds and there was no way to hide them from cavity-obsessed parents.) Anyway, yup, I still love ’em. And yep, I’m still not going to buy the two pound bags just to eat three of them.

    Also, what about Whoppers? We called them malted mothballs when we were kids but they’re awfully good.

    Also Amanda and Spencer are right: Almond Joys are worth it.

    The downside to a lot of commercial American kid’s candies is they’ve almost all got a weird bitter aftertaste. I always assumed it was from the concentrated coloring.

    Definitely a good topic that deserves more coverage from serious food bloggers.


  3. circus peanuts

    a confession….i have never been able to pass a bag of circus peanuts in the market, without pinching them!
    i have never been able to decide if i like their pale orange color, or not.
    but they are strangely original candies.
    cotton candy
    circus peanuts
    wax soda bottles
    candy dots
    necco wafers
    waxy halloween pumpkins
    ….if they didnt exist, someone would have to invent them:-)
    (maybe not.)

  4. Used to have a deal with my little sister; I take her out trick-or-treating (cos I’m so much cooler than her mom, don’tchaknow) and I get a 10% fee on the candy + all her Charleston Chews. It was AWESOME. I was v. sad when she outgrew trick or treating.

    Circus peanuts, however, are gross; but not as gross as Peeps. How gross is marshmallow, anyway? Discuss.

  5. I read the previous coconut M&M post the day before my trip to Pittsburgh. We found the said M&Ms. As I popped the first one in my mouth, with the first bite….it was a Mounds bar. So good. As creepy as it seems in an M&M, if you like chocolate & coconut, it’s good, cheap candy.
    And great on a long road trip.

  6. Pingback: Time Magazine, DWTS, and Scientific Research: Highlights from My Reader « relishments.

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