Where Hegemony Goes, It Leaves Behind Plastic Otis Spunkmeyer Wrappers

jingletruckBy Spencer Ackerman
Griel Marcus’ Lipstick Traces has an Afghanistan-centric coda, as tales are told of markets arising across that benighted country to sell purloined American goods. Those of us who’ve been to Afghanistan can testify to the pervasive logistical reliance on so-called jingle trucks — the garish, flaired-up convoys that traverse Afghanistan’s barely-existent roads, fighting off Taliban and corrupt policemen, in order to resupply U.S. bases, among other destinations. The Christian Science Monitor brings word of what happens after a jingle-truck looting:

In front of Tor’s shop was a nearly waist-high, three-deep wall of boxed food that apparently had been destined for military chow halls. There were cases of pre-cooked cheddar gravy sausage biscuits (forbidden to Muslims, who don’t eat pork), and dozens of flats of the Otis Spunkmeyer muffins and white chocolate macadamia cookies that soldiers often get at mealtime.

If you’ve ever eaten at a DFAC in Iraq or Afgh– sorry, that’s dining facility; force of habit –in Iraq or Afghanistan, you’ll be familiar with the glut of real-‘Murkin comfort food items. Otis Spunkmeyer is high on the list. The Coalition Press Information Center in Baghdad was stocked filled with apple OS muffins, ready to crumble into my mouth come breakfast or snacktime. It seems cruel to serve those to deployed troops and diplomats: they’re, shall we say, low quality. I can see a Pashtun militiaman sidling into Tor’s place to taste what his adversaries eat and misconstrue much about the dietary integrity of both the American fighting man and the American palette.

Also, I’ve been reliably informed that the cafeteria of the Blackwater training center in Moyock, North Carolina provides a lovely multi-fruit drink called Passo-Orange-Guava. Once we brought baseball wherever the Marines landed; now, high-fructose corn syrup.

4 responses to “Where Hegemony Goes, It Leaves Behind Plastic Otis Spunkmeyer Wrappers

  1. Somewhere in my family there’s a photo of my father playing baseball with a bunch of other sappers in the Salomon Islands during WW2. Thanks for giving me the incentive to go looking for it.

  2. Pingback: Otis Spunkmeyer Almond Poppy Seed Muffin, 24Ct. | Coffee Maker Info

  3. Pingback: Otis Spunkmeyer Apple Cinnamon Muffin, 24Ct. | Coffee Maker Info

  4. Pingback: Otis Spunkmeyer Banana Nut Muffin, 24Ct. | Coffee Maker Info

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