The Case For Big Government

By Spencer Ackerman

You ever notice how bread these days — even bad bread, lackluster bread, nothing-special bread that you get in the yeast mausoleum that is the supermarket bread aisle — doesn’t fit into the unforgiving, unyielding slots in the toaster? Increasingly I find myself with no recourse but to shove my bread in the toaster standing up, leaving me with about a fourth of my toast untoasted. It’s up to government to fix this.

Secretary Vilsack: I know you want to heed Michael Pollan’s call to act as the secretary of food, not merely secretary of agriculture. We need a bread summit. We need standardization. We need enforcement. Only the USDA can save us from our breakfastime scourge. It’s time for action.


8 responses to “The Case For Big Government

  1. One word: The Incredible Bread Machine.

  2. I haven’t noticed this.

  3. more like “The Case for Toaster Ovens”

  4. Yeah. Toaster Oven. No kitchen is complete without one.

  5. Toaster oven!

  6. Julie Whitmore

    This is another annoying example of a food becoming “supersized”. Bread slices are twice as big as they were in my youth, which was, I admit, a while ago.
    I think only Pepperidge Farm still makes bread slices the correct portion size, although it’s getting harder to find , and they may be in the process of phasing it out.

  7. I am always surprised when i see people owning toasters instead of toaster ovens.

  8. I read this a while back and I laughed, but had never had a problem with excessively wide bread. Then today I want to my toaster and my bread was too wide and I was like “Noooooo, he was right!” The good times are over! Haha.

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